The sexual abuser of children is conniving and manipulative.  He/She makes the victim feel as if they are co-conspirators in a special secret.  Something just shared between the two of them.  It is important to keep the secret because the child is told he/she will get in a lot of trouble and be blamed for the problem if someone finds out.  Years later after being a victim, you are still the victim – the victim of a parent, sibling or other adult who was close to you or your family.  The survivor caries shame and guilt he/she does not deserve because he/she didn’t stop it.

If the problem has been suppressed or pushed out of consciousness, memories buried for years can emerge during life events such as puberty, medical exams, weddings, or a child’s birthday.  Movies or TV stories, the daily paper or a magazine article about sexual abuse can wake up the pain in your heart or stomach as well.  “Was it a dream or a memory?” can confuse survivors of abuse for years.  Others have perfect and painful recall.

The fact is, the victim of child sexual abuse is always helpless and the perpetrator always an evil predator.  There is no balance of power in the relationship. Often the predator is still in your life and you hope and pray he/she has changed.   When a parent is the abuser, even if the child is now an adult, the balance of power remains the same because of the history of the relationship.  Emancipation can come only through acceptance that this happened to you and you have survived.  Break the chain of control by “breaking your silence”.

End the conspiracy, save another child from what you have endured for years. Strategies to begin the healing process include:

• Quit pretending it didn’t happen.
• Tell someone who will believe and support you.
• Confront your abuser, bringing along a supportive person.
• Understand it is never the fault of a child.
• If you were older, know that there is no magic age where one becomes strong enough to outsmart power.
• Learn to connect with and nurture the child within you.
• Grieve for the childhood taken from you.
• Get counseling if you need help to move forward in this process.